Tuesday, January 23, 2001

coming out of the dark

i just let the doggies in from outside. the little one came running in as if he were terrified of what was out there. i don't blame him. it is dark, who knows what is in the woods. is it the wind blowing through the trees or is somebody there? *shiver* maybe i've seen too many scary movies.

i have a headache. probably because i am tired. i don't know why i won't just go to bed and get some sleep. what is wrong with me?

i don't know why i am even writing this. i have nothing to say. to keep from thinking? i need a job. something to keep me busy. what kind of hobby can i pick up until i get a job? something small... i've been trying to do little things but nothing keeps my attention.

chatted with knight today. i don't remember much of what we talked about. in the afternoon it was about missing one another. in the evening it was a lot of computer talk. pretty empty, i think. i am such a jerk. we can't always have meaningful conversations, right? why do i let empty chat bother me? maybe it isn't the chat but him not being here. but, why does he have to be here? at least we have the chat. some long distance relationship couples speak only once or twice a week. i should be thankful. and hello...he's at work. he risks so much to talk to me. we have eternity to be together...what are a few weeks?

he is so full of warmth. it is in his eyes, in his touch and the way that he speaks to me. i want to give him all that i have. i want to be close to him. i want him to know me. i want to know him. my heart feels full of happiness, and a love, like i have never known. it radiates from my soul.

i don't know where that all came from. well, i know it came from my head, but i mean... ? it sounds poetic. it is very true.

how did this entry, start off in darkness and end in light? very bizarre. i suppose it's symbolic of the whole situation.

i was just re-reading older entries and this one in particular struck me tonight. i still find it beautiful and very similar to how i am feeling. more so now, then when i posted it then. it is the blog entitled "love letters".

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