b

the clock is an hour off. *sigh*

i don't know why i am writing. i've been feeling quite disheartened this week. i'm not sure why. maybe this period of transition. in the next two days i have two job interviews. maybe because i've been so sedementary. maybe because of the arrival of my, uh..friend, later this week. i can't believe that it would be the whole situation bringing me down. i thought i was above all that.

disheartened. for some reason that is the only word i can think of. i mean, i am not giving up on anything, i know what i want more than anything...but i just feel tired and annoyed. maybe i just need more sleep. it is so close to the end (i'm hoping) there is no reason to feel this way now. are my insecurities getting the best of me? yet, i feel my insecurities are fairly just...if roles were reversed, i think knight would feel the same way i am.

i feel disconnected right now. i think next week i'll be working. what's going to happen? what is happening? i feel like a lot of things are out of my control. i feel like i don't know what is going on. i feel like everything is a mess. what is the plan?

bl..... i guess i'll stop. i don't have anymore to say.