Thursday, November 08, 2007

Thursday Thirteen 11/08/07


13 Thanksgiving Excuses


Looking for ways to skip out of Thanksgiving Day dinner early? Here are 13 ways to get yourself excused.

1. Remind your 12 year old brother/sister that you left those condoms they asked for in the closet upstairs.

2. Announce that you would like to start a new family tradition, and proceed to take off your clothes at the dinner table.

3. When it's your turn to state what you are thankful for, say "latex sheets and crisco".

4. Suck your cranberry sauce loudly through a straw.

5. Sit at the "children's table" and lecture them on just why we need to increase the teenage pregnancy population.

6. Bring a date that only talks about her/his spouse at home.

7. Hold your nose while you eat.

8. When you arrive, promise that your date won't be more than an hour late, he/she just has to wait for the warden to get together all the necessary release forms, and then they are free to go.

9. Promise that the winner of the "wishbone tug" gets to sleep with your date.

10. Open the oven, shove hunks of velveeta into the turkey while it cooks. Tell mom it adds the coolest flavor.

11. As the family is being seated, shout, "Oh my Gawd, I forgot to show you all my genitalia piercing I got on Halloween!!"

12. Shoot olive pits at Grampa's glasses (just pinch them in your fingers and they FLY!!)

13. Twitch a lot and nervously tell the person next to you, "THE SAFETY IS ON", while you hold your pocket.

These excuses courtesy of Bookcase.com. Click HERE for a list of Politically Incorrect Sayings for Thanksgiving.

2 comments:

Carrie Lofty said...

My excuse will be much more plausible -- DEADLINES! Thx for the laugh.

Andi & Stien said...

Hehehe, orrrr, you could live in Belgium ;-)
We don't celebrate Thanksgiving here. Now I think of it, when do you celebrate it, actually?!

Andi