Over at Mom-101, Liz's most recent post is about when you first, really, know or realize (kind of like an "a-ha!" moment) that you are a parent. I really had to stop and think about this because I sometimes still don't feel like a parent despite the fact that we never go out anymore, my whole shower schedule revolves around when James takes a nap, and I find myself whistling ridiculous, toy tunes, when I am alone.
My "parent moment" was two days after Jamie was born. Jake had been spending the night at the hospital with us since we had a private room but on the second day he had to go home because we were having a radon mitigation system installed and the contractor was coming over to work. Karl, the guy who was doing the installation, was really busy and difficult to get over to our place-so we did not want to cancel the appointment. (Remember-Jamie was born a week early) So Jake left and after I fed Jamie and one of the nurses came to check on him, I asked if she would take him back to the nursery so I could shower and take a little nap. I was finally feeling up to getting showered and putting my own clothes on! So I did. I showered, got dressed, put a tiny bit of make-up on, and tried to nap. When I couldn't sleep I decided to read a magazine and have a little snack. After about two hours passed, I went to get James from the nursery.
When I entered the room, a nurse was just finishing up taking his temperature. There was a folded square of gauze laying next to his face that was slightly yellowed. My heart started racing and I asked what was wrong. She told me that James just wasn't feeling well and had thrown up a little. My eyes filled with tears and my heart just broke. I felt terrible, like the worst mother in the world, and so full of guilt because here my little one wasn't feeling well and instead of comforting him, I was selfishly showering and reading magazines. The nurse said she was sure it was because he had been circumcised that morning and sometimes they are a little under the weather after that. She assured me he would be back to normal in no time.
I took Jamie back to my room and as I held him, I thought about some of the things I'd teach him, and all the things I'd have to protect him from, and how I would die if anything ever happened to him. Looking back, I know it really wasn't a big deal (him being sick)-but at the time, it really made an impact on me. How about you? Did you have a moment?