plans

april already. it's been almost a year i think since i have written here. but, here i am.

i don't know what to expect for the future. knight thinks that i don't have any faith in him. he's wrong, i do, but what i don't have faith in, is outside forces. i think he can do anything he sets his mind to but i worry about the things he can't control.

aside from that, i guess i worry about silly things. i worry about having a marriage like my parents. my dad working late all the time and our family eating without him. never spending time together. my mom home alone, or just home with us. they never even watch tv together.

i also worry about not having enough time. right now knight and i are young-er. we don't have the responsibilities of a house and children, and we have this five year plan where working hard now is supposed to make the future better, but i worry that later, once the five year plan is complete and we get married and have children, there won't be time anymore to just have fun, go places, spend time together.

i look at a friend of mine from school who has three children. she and her husband rarely go out anymore. she says she just doesn't have the time or the energy. she and her husband also work different hours so some nights she goes to bed before he even gets home. she says that they don't get to spend much time together or when they do it's always with the kids. they can never go away for very long because it's a hassle to pack for all the kids and expensive.

i just don't want any regrets. i want to make sure we have enough time to do stuff before we are saddled with big responsibility. and i guess i want a bit of normalcy. i'd like to eat dinner together between 5 and 6 not late at night between 7-9. i want someone i can spend time with and do things with....

*sigh* i don't know what else to say...i have to go though. maybe i can add more later.