Saturday, September 09, 2000

this n' that

so, school's started. it's been pretty boring and very uneventful. mostly rules and the such. blah

not much going on. the ex and i haven't really spoken all week. guess the distance is setting in. i've spoken to him a few times, but only for about five minutes each time. it kind of sucks, but i guess it's for the best. while my family was away, he spent the evening at my house over last weekend. it was bizarre. he slept in my sister's room. (she wasn't home of course!)

but i was a bit angry at him yesterday. i wanted to get together, just to get out...make sure everything was okay. at first he wanted to get together, but then he was like, "i don't know if i can get the gas money together...let me call you when i'm done eating." when he called back he never mentioned getting together and neither did i. i was pissed off. last week he helped his friend, we'll call her nelly, move into her new apartment, traveling between three towns, far apart. today he was planning on helping another friend move. so...he can't drive a short distance to see me? i was willing to meet half way. so...i guess it's the big brush off. i guess i was more sad than mad. maybe it's the way he can deal with it all.

it's kind of rough. i have very few friends at home. most of my college pals are far away. syracuse, georgia, maryland, wisconsin, sucks. i don't stay in contact with many friends from high-school either. only about one or two. i guess it doesn't matter...i'm very busy with school....

blah. that's about it. i've enjoyed chatting with knight. it's nice to actually have good conversations with someone. and i don't have many conversations with anyone else, like i do with him. i wonder what or if the future has something in store for us. i feel kind of bad like... ??? i mean, he has a girlfriend and he's in a good place. i don't want it to get ruined.'s so hard. i love the way he makes me feel, the way he talks to me....i wish he were here. :(

"here i am stuck in this mean old town...and you're so far away from me...."

~dire straits

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