Friday, September 29, 2000

a random letter

another letter: (written on paper 1st)during seminar

i've just been thinking that i am glad that i never went into social work. i can't imagine how i'd feel after dealing with trying to save abused children from their screwed up situations, day after day. i'm sure it is rewarding, however, the system fails so often and it is stressful-not being able to save them all, or seeing children crying as they are ripped away from their abusive families. i've heard of cases where the case worker gets beat up by family members as they try and remove children. i'm not very aggressive or strong.

i can't stop thinking about you. i want to-wish i could reassure you. rest my head against yours and squeeze your hand. i'm not sure why i'm even writing this-i have no place to send it. i wonder if your handwriting is the same. i always liked the way that you print. i have a sophie b. hawkins song stuck in my head. "damn...i wish i was your lover..." i'm sure you've never heard of it-but i love it. i think it's beautiful, the music. maybe you should listen to it once. i don't think it's your style.

i just had a flash from the weekend. images of you taking my hand and holding it, stroking my hair, breathing on my neck.

i don't feel like talking about all these (hearing about) all these abuse/mistreated stuff. there's a great grammatical sentence. geez!

i can't wait to have children. we've already had this conversation but i can never stop thinking about it. it's something that's really important to me. i keep thinking that i want four but who knows. maybe it'll only be 2. but, that's a long way off. now i get to watch slides of injuries/abuse on children. it's awful, makes me want to cry. how could people do this? i feel like i already have love for my children and they don't even exist. *sigh* i hope i am a good mother.

wow. i just zoned out. i was imagining you at my grandmother's house with me. imagining what it might be like for you. my aunts and uncles on my dad's side of the family can be jerky sometimes. my grandmother is wonderful. she tries to make everyone happy all the time. i love her alot.

*insert knight's name here* do you know why your mother chose that name? i like it alot. i always have.

(out of time, end of letter, seminar was over)

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