blah

i don't want school to start. i don't feel like teaching. i feel like...?

i feel like painting. huge abstract paintings, four foot by five feet. blue and black paint.... okay, maybe i don't. just a passing fancy.

i had a dream last night about love. i don't remember very much about it. the dream itself was kind of abstract, maybe surreal. it was about holding, and being held...and warmth and being tangled in blankets. i don't know who was in my dream...but he loved me. i can't explain it without it sounding dumb or not making sense. i felt surrounded by love, such deep love...the kind that makes you feel kind of fluttery and takes your breath away.

it was all so starnge. it was dark but then bright, i remember sitting in the sunshine, the wind blowing my hair out of my face and sunlight warming my face and shoulders. then it was dark again and everything was tumbling about me, i was tumbling too, entangled but laughing. i don't even know why or where i was tumbling, but i was not alone.

this sounds so peculiar...there were times when i was crying too...deep, heart felt sorrow...but i was consoled...

i don't know. i woke up feeling very sad and alone. like, where had my love gone? i still am feeling very drained...as if i went through a huge ordeal...but it was only a dream. i now have queensryche, silent lucidity, stuck in my head....

Hush now, don't you cry
Wipe away the teardrop from your eye
You're lying safe in bed
It was all a bad dream
Spinning in your head

Your mind tricked you to feel the pain
Of someone close to you
Leaving the game of life
So here it is, another chance
Wide awake you face the day
Your dream is over, or has it just begun

There's a place to hide
A doorway that I run through in the night
Relax child, you were there
But only didn't realize and you were scared
It's a place where you will learn
To face your fears, retrace the years
And ride the whims of your mind
Commanding in another world
Suddenly, you hear and see
This magic new dimension

I will be watching over you
I am gonna help you see it through
I will protect you in the night
I am smiling next to you in silent lucidity

If you open your mind to me
You won't rely on open eyes to see
The walls you build within
Come tumbling down
And a new world will begin
Living twice at once you learn

You're safe from pain in the dream domain
A soul set free to fly
A round trip journey in your head
Master of illusion, can you realize
Your dream's alive, you can be the guide but

I will be watching over you
I am gonna help you see it through
I will protect you in the night
I am smiling next to you