Thursday, March 27, 2008

Thursday Thirteen 03/27/08

13 Ways My Life Would be Different If It Were a Soap Opera

1. Jake would be my 3rd husband. My first one would be dead from a tragic accident like careening over a cliff in a car with sabotoged brakes and my second and I would be divorced and fighting over rental property on "the docks".

2. James would have a longer, fancier, name like Jamison or James Matthew Beauford something or other the III.

3. I would live at "The Mansion".

4. I would have a wacky cook/maid/butler named Sabrina.

5. My wardrobe would be comprised of oversized, tacky, jewelry and many, flowing, dresses that I'd wear just around the house.

6. If I wanted to go anywhere, I'd ask Sabrina to tell my driver to pull the Bentley around.

7. In my living room, there'd always be a tray that had glasses and a full pitcher of water or orange juice.

8. Whenever I ate out at a restaurant there'd be a huge scene as I got into a fight with one of Jake's ex-wives, or my ex-husband. Inevitably someone would have a drink thrown in their face and I'd have to be dragged out.

9. I'd have several long, lost siblings & half siblings who suddenly have come forward. Offspring of affairs my mother and father each had, "years ago" & pregnancies that no one knew about.

10. James would stay a baby forever, whisked away and cared for by our nanny, and then one day appear grown up and 10.

11. I would have experienced and overcome many tragic events like being trapped in the basement of a burning house, stuck in an elevator with my arch enemy after a building explosion, a terrible car crash that left me in a coma for weeks, and a near drowning while trying to save my ex-husband's sister because I am a good person even though he doesn't think so. But I survive!

12. I would wake up in the morning everyday with perfect make-up & hair. And never have morning breath either.

13. Everytime Jake and I made love, (in front of a fireplace) there would be a hundred candles lit everywhere and rose petals all over our floor and bed.


Pamela Kramer said...

Love it! This one made my sides hurt. What a great list. You have a great TT.

Anonymous said...

This is a GREAT and creative list!! All so very true. Especially that the husband's name would be longer and child disappearing and coming back as a 10 year old. Hilarious!

Teriana said...

And don't forget, you'd get a haircut/hairstyle every couple weeks as one day on a soap opera takes several episodes.

Anonymous said...

How sad that your life isn't like that. For those of us who live this way it makes the time fly by. Happy TT!

Jessica said...

lol, so true! :)

Jessica said...

Everything you've posted in this blog prior to now has lead me to believe that, in fact, your life was exactly like this. I feel betrayed.